We Are Family

I got all my sisters with me…

Sister Sledge’s 1979 signature song, “We are Family,” was recorded in one take. Pretty remarkable considering, “Kathy Sledge, who sang lead, did not know the lyrics ahead of time. Rodgers and Edwards (writers and producers) gave her each line through her headphones as it came up to make it sound spontaneous.”          
Source: http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=1557

Winging it. I can relate – but getting it right the first time like she did? Not so much. It took me years to figure out that providing in-home care services by its’ very nature, extended a tempting invitation for me to become part of the family I served. Sounds good, right? But if you’ve been a caregiver for very long, I’m guessing you already know exactly what I’m talking about. Maybe that kind of thing has worked out well for you, but when I look back, I realize allowing myself to become part of the family has caused some unnecessary heart ache I hope you'll avoid.

I like to be liked. I long to belong. It gives me pleasure to help others when they need it most, but sometimes I need a (not so) gentle reminder that caregiving is my job, NOT my identity.

Oh sure, everyone means well. Families want us to feel comfortable and appreciated in their homes, plus it’s flattering when people say you’re just like one of the family. We see, hear, and find ourselves in the middle of some very personal situations. A listening ear, comfort and reassurance…that’s most often where things get iffy. Lines are blurred and we cross over before we know it. Do you find yourself unable to “clock out” at the end of your shift? Texting back and forth after hours? Seems impossible to let go and move on?

The truth is, after the coroner is called your work is done. I keep a photo album and a box of keepsakes to remind me of those I’ve loved and served. They and their families will always hold a special place in my heart...while I continue to fill it with more and more families who’ll need my help in the days ahead. 

Be encouraged! You are part of a world-wide family of caregivers. Learn to give your best without giving your heart away. And oh yeah, next time you hear Sister Sledge singing, “We are family, I got all my sisters with me…” turn up the volume and sing your heart out, along with all of your caregiving sisters and brothers in mind!

Finishing - But Never Finished

Life’s journey is one l o n g => marathon we’re seldom prepared to run. As caregivers we offer assistance to weary runners approaching their own personal finish line. Sometimes we cheer them on and sometimes we bandage their feet. Sometimes we lovingly cool their brow and wet their lips; but all too often when they falter, we attempt to pick them up and carry them the rest of the way, all by ourselves!

Imagine the inevitable (and preventable) crash you both face, all because no one asked for help.

Burn-out is a very real occupational hazard, whether you’re a family caregiver or you give care as a professional. Do yourself a favor, read some expert advice on how to run a marathon using walk-breaks:   https://www.runnersworld.com/training/a20862651/why-you-should-take-walk-breaks/  You don’t have to be a long distance runner to benefit from the concept. 

Thoughtfully plan to take short, daily “walk breaks.” Long awaited vacations and get-a-ways are not nearly as effective when it comes to curing and/or preventing exhaustion. A lifestyle that incorporates walk, run, walk, run, intervals is a more realistic and effective way to prevent unnecessary burn-out.

Recognize the signs and symptoms of Caregiver burnout:

https://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/caregiver-recognizing-burnout#1

Staying strong takes thoughtful planning and preparation, especially for those of us running a challenging race of our own while assisting others who are facing the end of theirs as well.